Just look at me

“She’s gonna be with me,” she shouted from the bathroom.

“No, I won’t let her stay with you. Look at you. You even can’t take care of yourself.” He replied.

"Look at me? How about you? You don’t care about her. You don’t have time for that.” she came out from the bathroom with a towel covering her body.

“So you have more time for her? What kind of mom you are who leaves her baby to a baby sitter and go for shopping with her friends everyday? Is that you said if you have more time?” He stared at her directly.

“And you? It’s only work on your mind. You’ve changed a lot Ben. Do you think that if you can give us much money or presents it will show that you care about us? No, it’s not only that Ben.”

They were staring at each other. There was no more conversation between them. It was quiet for a while.

“I’m her mom and she’s going to stay with me.”

“It doesn’t make you have more right to take care of her. I’m her father also.”

Mom – dad, stop it please! Don’t you ever think about me? I’m here, look at me. I need you, both of you. I’m not a thing you can fight for. I believe there’s still love between you. I was born because of that, right? How it can be disappear now? Where is that? Where is that mom, dad? Don’t be selfish, please. Just look at me!

They did it over and over, day by day, yelling and arguing. But what could I do, I'm just a baby who cannot call them mom or dad yet.

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Writer starfish
starfish at Just look at me (10 years 34 weeks ago)
70

Aw.. there's just no win in family fights. And the children are always the victim. Made me miss my children at home *sigh*

Writer dipra
dipra at Just look at me (13 years 1 week ago)
50

bagus... tapi aku tak tau maknanya...

Writer bangetz
bangetz at Just look at me (13 years 6 weeks ago)
80

=D> =D>
aq ga ngerti apa tentang tulisan ne.. membaca aja, aq masih susah!!!
:)) :))

Writer lavender
lavender at Just look at me (13 years 6 weeks ago)
100

Keren banget Mbak, aku suka story in english... suka bangetttssss

Writer piico
piico at Just look at me (13 years 9 weeks ago)
50

O:) keren .

Writer yuu_ya
yuu_ya at Just look at me (13 years 11 weeks ago)
30

Saluuut.... =D>
Qmu dah berani bikin cerita bahasa Inggris.
Ceritana juga lumayan nyentuh, meski grammar emang terlalu Indonesia banget.
Tetap semangat en ditingkatin bahasa Inggrisnya, yach....
Teruskan bikin karya yang lebih baik lagi,
aq mendukungmu! >:D<

Writer abc
abc at Just look at me (13 years 12 weeks ago)
80

emang bener komen2 di bawah... kalimat inggrisnya ada yg salah... (kayak gw bisa bikin cerita pake bhs. inggris aja)

tapi terlepas dari itu semua, jujur gw suka cerita ini. cerita yg bisa bikin kita mikir dan bercermin diri... ini dari sebuah cerita yaitu pesan yg bisa diambil dari cerita tersebut... good

btw baca juga cerita terbaruku yup.. "Sayap-Sayap Mimpi"

~Salam ABC~

Writer azura7
azura7 at Just look at me (13 years 12 weeks ago)
40

so much error in eng

Writer smallbluebox
smallbluebox at Just look at me (13 years 12 weeks ago)
100

setuju, BAD ENGLISH, tp ceritanya kereeeen bgt :) keep workin on it baby !

Writer panah hujan
panah hujan at Just look at me (13 years 12 weeks ago)
80

tantangan...

hohoho.

Writer tspinang
at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
10

bad english. many grammatical mistakes.

Writer avian dewanto
avian dewanto at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
100

as an indonesian native, it hard to make a story in other languages. i really appreciate what you've done. and, about english in this story, why did you mix up tenses between present tense and past tense. i think you should correct it by present continous and past tense.

a story about family break up is interesting for many people. coz it affect it for everyone especially children of their own. so why do we broke up? we can go by polygyny.

Writer ningrat_oey
ningrat_oey at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
90

wahihi....
bahasa inggrisss????
bagusssssssss...!!!
tapi aku gak terlal banyak tahu artinya..
hehehehe

Writer redblue
redblue at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
100

bagooss.
tapi jadi sedih akunya.. hhix.
:)

Writer Arra
Arra at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
80

tanggung.. endingya...
padahal dialognya dapet baget emosinya

Writer meidy_w
meidy_w at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
80

Ga percuma donk kuliah di Sastra hehehehe

Writer Bamby Cahyadi
Bamby Cahyadi at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
100

Excellent

Writer someonefromthesky
someonefromthesky at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
80

Enaknya, dalam bhs inggris bisa membedakan antara 'she' dan 'he', jadi lebih ringkas. Walau saya ngerasa agak sedikit kaku dalam bahasanya, tapi mungkin itu karena kamu berusaha memakai grammar dan susunan kata yang benar ya? ceritanya sederhana sekali, tapi kalau dianggap sebagai first english story dan sekedar latihan bahasa inggris, ini sih udah bagus....

Writer prayana
prayana at Just look at me (13 years 13 weeks ago)
80

jadi inget lagunya pink "family potrait"
sedih, mengharukan....
i like it :D

Writer Marlinang
Marlinang at Just look at me (13 years 14 weeks ago)
80

enak dibaca ko soalnya ga pake kata2 yg susah. tapi... apa iya ya, anak bayi udh bisa ngerti gituh? hehehh... pinter deh.. jadi inget film look who's talking (ntu bener judulnya ga ya, lupa..) sukses yaa
^__^

Writer Elyaza
Elyaza at Just look at me (13 years 14 weeks ago)
90

Jujur...kalo memang antara prayana dan kamu saling menantang...aku jelas sekali memenangkan dirimu! mulai dari pakem tense dalam inggris...dan cerita yang menarik...tapi lebih keren lagi kalau paragraf terakhir itu diganti...biarkan pembaca yang menentukan (soalnya ini kaya short script)...

Writer Chatarou
Chatarou at Just look at me (13 years 14 weeks ago)
80

It is might be a 'baby sitter' instead of 'baby sister'
I've just saw a movie just quite similar with this story... very sad.
Keep writing...

Writer dhewy_re
dhewy_re at Just look at me (13 years 14 weeks ago)
80

ide cerita yang unik, soal grammarnya biar ahlinya yg komentar...